Most of my colleagues are great about helping me navigate the travails of single parenting.
They don’t ask for early meetings and rarely ask me to attend an evening function.
They rarely grumble if I must reschedule because of doctor appointments or school events.
They help out of there is a family emergency when traveling - without question.
My colleagues make my academic life possible.
I am lucky and I know it.
Many caregivers in academe lack similar support.
I know because it was not so simple at one of the schools I worked at.
While lip service was paid to ‘family first’, listening to faculty conversations about young parents (students & faculty) made me acutely aware that I could not count on colleagues to understand the travails of child-rearing alone.
I do not think the attitude was malicious.
I think it reflects a ‘one size fits all mentality' in many traditional, masculine, academic cultures, that were designed for single or married men with no caregiving responsibilities.
Traditional academic culture was not designed for the rest of us.
So how to create a culture that includes families?
First, could you stop holding meetings before 9 am?
I can’t tell you how many breakfast meetings I have been invited to in the past ten years.
Finding a sitter to take care of a kid early in the morning is virtually impossible.
If you can find one, it is incredibly costly bc you have to pay extra.
Second, could you minimize after-hour and weekend events?
I can’t tell you how I felt at the first event when I left early to put my kid to bed.
The look of disbelief when I left remains seared in my memory.
Third, could you stop asking for problematic meeting times?
It’s tough to say no - especially for caregivers up for tenure or promotion - they are vulnerable.
Fourth, could you give plenty of notice?
I often teach at night and once in a while on the weekend.
It has worked bc I have time to plan for childcare.
Fifth, could you make sure meetings are necessary?
Not just after hours - all meetings.
Meetings usually translate to my working the third shift at night.
Yea, time is a zero-sum game.
Minimizing meetings frees up time for teaching and research.
Sixth, could you be flexible? on format?
I recently had to cancel my face-to-face meetings for a day bc my kid was sick.
So we did zoom.
Extend this flexibility to all your meetings & colleagues - so those with constraints don’t feel singled out.
Finally, could you recognize that #womencaregivers face more challenges than men?
I am tenured & senior, so people flex to my schedule.
I am also a man.
It’s easy for me to ask for accommodations.
I know many women for whom it is not so simple.
We can make it easier for #women by making it ok for everyone to flex schedules to meet family obligations.
Let’s normalize #familyfriendly work practices - so no one is stigmatized.
So let’s do it & build a better academy!
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