When I became a single parent, I knew it would change my personal life. I did not know it would change my professional life.
I didn't know.
Until today.
For a decade, my life revolved around my child and my job.
Child came first.
At age 8.
I took custody.
I taught her about books, jazz, & integrity.
(Note: teaching a child that she must find her own faith is harder than one might think).
At age 12.
I started showing her the world.
Paris. Copenhagen. Munich. Hong Kong. Beijing. Ningbo. The list goes on.
(Note: Nothing makes a kid grow faster than navigating an unfamiliar city).
At age 16.
I stopped checking grades during the semester.
I made her accountable.
(Note: I was making myself crazy by obsessing about her grades).
At age 19.
I dropped her off at CU Boulder.
I admonished her to make good choices.
(Note: I finally got what the college parents felt).
I could not handle the grief of not having her home.
I got on a plane & left the country.
Feeling completely incomplete.
One day, my teen called.
She told me that I was her "Tiger Dad".
BC I had pushed her to become better.
She thanked me for it.
I won't lie.
I cried that night.
What she didn't know.
Was becoming a "Tiger Dad".
Meant.
I became a better person
A better professor.
Because I had to grow up.
I had to learn discipline.
BC no matter what happened at work.
I had to make dinner.
I had been completely unstructured.
Partying often.
Writing only when the muse struck.
Leading the life of Riley.
I became completely structured.
Working while she slept.
Working while she was at school.
Working while she read a book.
It was so hard.
I was humbled.
I came to know my success was not my success.
It was the success of an ecosystem of students, staff, and faculty.
All illusions of strength were shattered.
I learned that I was vulnerable.
To hubris - bc good enough wasn't enough.
To gossip - bc single parents are treated differently.
To my past - bc academics have memories of elephants.
I rebuilt myself as a better person.
To be kind.
To work harder.
To live in the now.
BC my present was so much better than my past.
I became a better mentor, scholar, and steward.
But.
I didn't know all of this in my bones.
Not until today.
Today.
I was challenged to explain how I could:
Be a highly productive scholar,
Serve on editorial boards,
And.
Still have integrity.
It's easy.
I am a single dad.
I work harder for her.
And.
I know she is always watching.
Becoming a great dad.
Meant becoming a great academic.
I could not let her down.
You never know where life's lessons will come from.
I didn't know that becoming a single parent would be a catalyst for career success.
And.
I didn't know a not-so-innocent shot would be a catalyst for understanding my academic journey.
I am grateful for both experiences.
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