Recently, I had a paper rejected during my birthday dinner.
I saw the email come in, knew I should not look, & did anyway.
I made a decision, not to mention the reject, which was bitterly disappointing as it came after the first round to anyone at the event.
Why?
Because I refused to let this professional moment spill over & impact a personal event.
When we are rejected, it's important to remember that relaying the news does not only impact you, it impacts:
* your partner & parents (who are usually well-aware of the import of a revision/acceptance)
* your children (esp. if they are older & grew up with academic shoptalk), &
* the people around you (moods are contagious).
So quell the impulse to share the bad news & carefully consider if you need to share, & if so, when.
I've learned to wait & share the news for when the time feels right.
Of course, there is no good time to share the news - but there are moments - that I've learned are worse than others.
First, if it is near a holiday or social event, mum is the word.
Emotions are contagious - I step back & set the email aside - & carry on.
Often, that can be hard to do, but sharing the news does not make me feel better & celebrating the positive with loved ones, sure does.
Second, if it is while driving, it is a really bad idea to talk about a rejection.
Why? Because there is no escape for my family - while expressions of empathy are much appreciated - no one wants to be stuck in a confined space with an unhappy person.
However, being trapped in a car with a ticked-off professor? Well, that is a special form of hell.
Third, if there is an upcoming possibly stressful event, I don't share because I don't want to compound the stress for my loved one.
When my daughter took the SAT, I was rejected that morning. While I posted about the evil of rejections on the weekend, I didn't discuss it with her until well after the exam.
I figure, they can't unreject the paper - so why burden them with the stressor?
Fourth, I don't relay the news at family dinners.
Family dinner at home is making a meal & sharing time. Usually, we gossip about the teen's day, the dog's habits, & the show to watch - we aren't perfect - it is definitely not the time for work-related news.
You need to protect spaces from work & family time is definitely one of them.
Finally, I don't share the news around our non-academic friends.
If I say to one of them, my paper was rejected, they either think it is the end of the world, or they wonder what the big deal is.
I find that having to explain rejection & what it means further compounds the pain.
I do eventually tell my family - usually, it is with a clear head & at a time where it doesn't stress everyone out.
Note, not telling them is not an option. We view our family as a team & accept/reject decisions impact our future.
Best of luck!
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