Today is my daughter’s 18th birthday.
As she prepared to become Instagram worthy, she laughed with a colleague who was helping her prepare for a day on the town.
As I sat and listened, I reflected on the gratitude that I feel to my academic community.
The plan never was for me to be a single parent.
Ten years ago, I had to do it on my own. I had no idea what to expect. In fact, looking back, I was ill-equipped to raise a daughter. But it happened.
The faculty closest to me rallied around.
My grumpy dept chair suggested changes in my schedule & never asked me to teach at a time that conflicted with before & after school pick up.
My friends in HK, Denmark, Germany, & China encouraged me to bring her to conferences or visits & then arranged for childcare - so I could participate in events.
My colleagues in the States checked in & pushed family first - often inquiring after the child and not the parent - always welcoming her to events.
I could go on.
If there were critics of my kid coming to work or conferences or class, I never heard it.
I have no doubt that it helped that I was well-published, visible in my community, and knew a few people.
But, that doesn’t matter - what matters is that people stepped up and supported a dad & his kid.
I am deeply grateful for her academic auntie’s & uncles support & have enjoyed watching them become her friends.
My academic community helped me raise a great kid. I could not have done it without them.
As she turns 18, I can’t help but wonder why it can’t be this way for all of us?
I’ve had conversations with young faculty about the challenges of raising kids & research, with others about deferring or never having children bc of careee demands, and faculty whose marriages foundered - bc work became too much.
What a mess we’ve constructed - demanding far too much from young faculty - as they start their careers.
As a community and as an academy, we need to pause and reflect on the interplay of work and life and family.
What we are doing with escalating tenure demands, declining budgets, and being told to do more with less; makes this career harder and harder for young faculty.
We can change the system, and must, to make it sustainable.
We need to come together and define reasonable standards that allow young faculty to demonstrate merit and have personal lives.
I know it can be done; because, my academic family helped make my family life possible.
Let’s build a better academe!
P.S. that unnamed colleague really knocked it out of the park!
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