I had lunch with a leading scholar from a different discipline & had a conversation about being an academic & a parent.
She had raised a son. I raised a daughter.
We have different academic experiences. She runs a lab, pursues grants & publications. I run my team & pursue papers.
Note she is amazingly well-published & much better cited than I am - I won’t claim to compete with her.
While different, we shared similar experiences raising raising our kids. We both dragged our kids around a lot of professors & that this has given them a different view of the world - e.g., smart and slightly socially awkward.
What was interesting to me, was that at our table - we were at a work lunch - the other diners didn’t have much to say about academic life and parenting - it felt like many were disconnected from their kids - all commented on loving their kids.
Clearly, each diner constructed a different interplay between their academic and family or life roles.
I thought about this a lot - when I had dinner later in the day with another senior & much more famous colleague - who had brought his daughter so that our kids could meet & was clearly engaged in her life.
I teased out three patterns across conversations with these faculty - that seemed consistent across three countries & soft/hard science disciplines.
What did I tease out?
First, there was the blended pattern.
These academics wove careers that made possible being a parent & scholarly work.
Their lives commingled the parent-scholar roles, resulting in less conflict between them.
Second, there was the family first pattern.
These academics satisficed academic work in order to devote attention to life away from work.
Their lives focused on caregiving or other away from work pursuits.
If there was conflict between roles, & they were tenured, they optimized non-work life.
Third, there was the outsourced pattern.
These academics relied on another person to raise their children.
Their focus was on their research & their jobs.
Absent an emergency, work came first.
What do these patterns mean for young academics?
First, they suggest there are several possibilities in how you construct your work.
While you are often told work-first, there are successful people who opt for a different path.
Second, they suggest that everyone must be attentive to away from work roles.
In all three patterns, family was given different levels of attention - it was never completely ignored.
Third, they suggest we need to make possible
equifinality.
All of my top scholar friends reported challenges & distinct ways to reach balance.
We need to offer access to resources so junior people can choose among roles.
Finally, the patterns suggest you can be happy, no matter how you choose to live your academic life.
Take the time to figure out your pattern. I love my blended life.
Best of luck!
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