I recently watched two mortal enemies interact at a conference.
I anticipated that it would be like a spaghetti Western show down - a verbal standoff with insults thrown.
Perhaps shots fired.
The interaction lacked such high drama.
They stood in the circle, chatted nicely, and went their separate ways.
Albeit their lips curled a bit.
It was an interesting moment for them and the bystanders.
I think we were all happy to emerge unscathed.
However.
What they did is a good illustration of collegiality.
Collegiality does not mean we all like each other.
It means we behave like adults when around each other.
So how to be collegial? In environments where not everyone is your cup of tea?
First, remember that you do not have to talk to people that make you uncomfortable.
You can be polite without engaging.
When someone turns up you don’t enjoy, it’s perfectly acceptable to melt away.
Just don’t make a scene about it.
Second, practice neutral expressions.
Too many academics fail to control their expressions - I’m guilty of this.
A good best practice is to be mostly neutral and occasionally happy.
That way; if someone you like, is friends with someone that do not like, you don’t make them uncomfortable.
Your personal conflict does not need to broaden into a conflict that engages the community.
So channel your inner Finn.
Third, practice temperance.
While a drink may help you relax, most conflict at conferences come after people have been drinking.
So, stick to one or two drinks if you are at a big event.
Let others be sloppy and keep your cool.
That way, it is easier to manage uncomfortable people.
Fourth, pick your events.
I find smaller events easier to navigate.
You can see who is there & more intimate conversations.
An added benefit is most people choose not to stir pots of their behavior is observable.
So this limits the ability of difficult people to make you uncomfortable.
Finally, avoid them, if issues persist.
Some say this is immature.
I say mature people have a right to pick and choose who they talk to.
Don’t pretend that the person is not present - but do - if you aren’t comfortable- feel free to not engage.
By being polite, limiting contact, and managing the terms of engagement, you can have a great conference experience - even when there are participants that you do not enjoy.
A final thought.
Most academic squabbles blow over. By not escalating at a conference, you leave a door open for a reconciliation.
Best of luck
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