When I started single parenting, I committed myself to doing drop-offs every day & pick-ups on special days at school. It was just me. I didn't have much of a choice. So, I thought nothing of it.
My job was about an hour from home, so it meant that I hustled to get to work at a reasonable time & hustled to get out of work at a reasonable time.
I figured, a) professors have flex-time & b) professors can work after the kiddo is asleep.
I am lucky.
My department chair never again asked me to teach at 8 AM. Colleagues covered loose-end meetings. My Ph.D. students worked with my schedule. Most of the time, it worked out fine.
When all else failed & I had to attend a committee meeting, I asked for a dial-in and would call in from the carpool lane.
I knew some people were frustrated by the change in my schedule; but, ultimately, everyone said take care of your kid.
What I did not know was that by simply putting family first, as a man in a potent role in my university, I was empowering others to put family first.
Today, someone from one of those dial-in committee meetings reached out & messaged:
"Hello! I was so glad to see you on here...I wanted you to know that MANY years ago, when we served on the (redacted) Council, you called in to a meeting because you had to pick up your child at school. I was so appreciative that you did that. As a parent who struggles (still all these years & a pandemic later) with balancing work/life, that was a pivotal moment for me because when influential men make family a priority, but still remain influential, it makes it easier for the rest of us. Anyway, I know this is random, but that has stuck with me for a long time and I am grateful to get a chance to thank you for leading by example. I hope your family is well and that you are thriving. Most sincerely, (redacted name)"
(Note: I've mildly edited names/roles to protect their identity.
I was gobsmacked. Delighted. & reflected.
After thinking most of the day, I came to two conclusions.
First, while I'm a single parent, with all the challenges that come with it, I'm privileged. Many people likely lack the support or authority to flex their time.
Second, because I am privileged, I can help others when I lead by example. If I set a norm for putting family first, it makes it ok for others to do so.
This is important because while everyone should be able to put family first, find work-life balance, & prioritize life away from work, absent someone setting an example, it is very difficult for people with less power to do so.
In this case, my request for a dial-up so that I could pick up my daughter made it ok for other people on our committee to prioritize their families.
I'm grateful for the instant message. It's made me more mindful of how my actions can impact people around me.
I hope more people lead by example.
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/jason-thatcher-0329764_worklifebalance-singleparent-leadbyexample-activity-6904636803182063616-6hLn?utm_source=linkedin_share&utm_medium=member_desktop_web
Comments