Every academic is busy.
On a typical day, we talk to students, talk to colleagues, and talk to an administrator of some flavor.
On a typical day, we read papers, we write papers, and we critique papers.
On a typical day, we plan lessons, we deliver lessons, and we give feedback (grading) on lessons.
We are all busy.
Amid our busy-ness, it’s easy to forget what is important.
Three conversations reminded me that I had lost track of what was important.
The first was my daughter. The day that her mother left, she looked at me and said I don’t know you. What are we going to do?
Imagine your 8-year-old kid saying that. Almost a decade later, I remain devastated.
I pivoted, learned to cook, and made evenings about my daughter.
I tell her that I love her every day.
The second was my ex-wife. As our marriage wound down, she looked at me and asked. Do you work on your computer? While you talk to your students? Like you do to me? I feel sorry for them.
Those words still echo in my ears. I realized that I had stopped paying attention to how I made people feel.
While I could not save my marriage, I could start paying attention to how I made my students feel.
I let them know that I care about their well-being every day through words or action.
The third was with my friend. While drinking beer after work, he commented that it was hard to be happy if the people you care about weren’t happy, including your dog!
I about choked on my beer. I could hear the truth in those words.
I took stock of whom I cared about at work and inventoried how my actions affected their happiness. The assessment was grim. I brought people down.
I now work to impact positively people around me.
An aside, I also started holding my little dog and whispering that I loved him in his ear each day.
It has taken me some time, and I’m not perfect, but I’ve learned to express gratitude and love in my daily routines.
I still grumble. I still make mistakes. I still get stressed out. My new partner nudges me to stay positive all of the time. But. Now I listen. I'm much more attuned to what is important - the well-being of the people around me.
I have discovered that taking time to pay positive attention to people has made it easier for me to navigate the challenges of my academic life.
My kid now feels like we are a team - and we celebrate successes.
My students feel valued - and seem happier about their experience.
My colleagues feel appreciated - and seem more apt to reciprocate.
And my little dog snuggles me closer - and that warms my heart.
So the three most important things to do today?
Express gratitude and love to three people in your life.
You will find your academic life much improved.
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