On why being a single parent made me empathetic to, but not understand, the experience of female faculty.
Once, I had a faculty member who was female and had a helper, tell me that we shared the experience of parenting, so that made me more apt to understand women's experiences in my discipline.
I've thought about the statement for about eight years.
Sometimes, I agree with it.
I listen to male faculty and recognize that I know a lot more about caregiving, scheduling, making dinner, traveling with children, work-life conflict, life-work conflict than many of them.
Sometimes, I disagree with it.
I listen to female faculty and realize that I know nothing about mansplaining, recovering from giving birth to a child, gender barriers, glass ceilings, and more.
Sometimes, I recognize that when married men and women make that statement, they have no conception of life as a single academic parent.
Most can't conceive
... life on a single income.
... raising a child alone.
... the hours that I keep.
... the worry that accompanies every business trip.
... and my stacks of books waiting for quiet moments that never come.
I don't think married faculty understand the pressure or time commitment that comes with being a single parent.
We have to do our very best, because you never know if an accident, circumstance, or an intentional act, could cost you your job.
Tenure is not protection against fate or stupidity, I always say, so i work hard to shield my daughter from the vagaries of what the future will bring.
I try not to ruminate on the differences in my life and those of my colleagues - male, female, married or not.
But when I do, I always come back to the female faculty member's statement - that I shared her experience.
In those moments, I know the pressure that I feel as a single parent differs from the pressure that female faculty live with.
Challenges to a female faculty member go beyond caregiving.
I don't know what it is like to be ...
... the only woman in a department.
... discounted because of my biological sex.
... limited by a glass ceiling.
... viewed as a sex object.
... expected to do more.
While I recognize my life as a single parent is challenging, I suspect it is more challenging, in different ways, for my many female colleagues.
I don't know how female faculty do it.
Women in academics have my respect. They walk a rough road.
I don't know that road.
But I respect the work they do to navigate it.
We will build a better academy when we recognize that everyone faces challenges.
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