Doctoral programs can be confusing, particularly as your first year ends.
You applied to a program because you were interested in a topic or method.
When you joined the program, you were thrust into an array of courses on theory or methods & assigned to support the research of someone whose work doesn't map to your expressed interests.
As the year ends, you might receive feedback on your performance, & if you do, it might not feel very good.
Why?
Perhaps, you weren't interested in the #assignedwork.
Perhaps, you were caught in a #facultysquabble.
Perhaps, you don't have an #aptitude for the work.
Perhaps, you didn't #meetexpectations.
The reason for #badfeedback doesn't matter. What matters is what you do next.
Many ask, why didn't I just find a job? Why did I ever leave industry? Because either option is worth more than the pittance paid by a typical #graduateassistantship.
If you feel this way, you are not alone. Almost every #PhD#student feels this way at the end of the #firstyear (bad feedback or not).
I know because, at the end of my first year, my #programcoordinator asked me to demonstrate focus in the next year & show my commitment to earning a Ph.D., or else!
After much gnashing of teeth, I took stock & compared myself to the best students.
It wasn't a very good moment. I realized that I wasn't a great student.
So what did I take stock of? And what did I change?
First, I assessed whether I translated my ideas from seminars to papers. While I had spent much time talking about research, I wasn't doing much.
I resolved to complete papers in the next year.
Second, I asked what I learned in method courses. Because I was not paying attention, it wasn't as much as I should have learned.
I resolved to learn one method well & apply it in the next year.
Third, I reflected on my performance as a #graduateassistant. I never hit my deadlines. I was a #slacker.
I resolved to improve in the next year. (Note, I learned to hit the big ones, the small ones? Meh!).
Fourth, I thought about how I interacted with my peers. I was making many comparisons & not performing.
I resolved to #benchmark my progress against myself. (note: I still make comparisons, I'm not perfect).
Fifth, I asked if I wanted to be a #professor? In my cohort, several students quit. I wondered if I should join them. I didn't want to.
I resolved to do the work in the next year & beyond.
Finally, I held myself #accountable. My challenges were a function of my attitude & behavior - no one else.
It took a long time for me to do that, years, really.
When I acknowledged & addressed my weaknesses, I became a better academic & colleague. (note: I am a work in progress).
I am grateful to the #mentors who made me take stock.
If you are struggling (or not), posing these questions will help you improve. It helped me.
If I had not taken stock, I would never have earned the #degree!
Best of luck!
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