Seven Tips for Surviving a Bad Ph.D. Supervisor (or there is no shame in going to therapy).
Recently, I posted about how to go about "divorcing a bad supervisor".
I expressed the opinion that I don't recommend that advanced students sack a #badsupervisor.
Why?
Because it can extend your time as a #PhDstudent, it can compromise your income, it can earn you a #reputation as a problematic student & so on.
However, my point wasn't that you must stick with a bad advisor.
My point was that unless your situation is dire, think the decision to sack your advisor through.
If your advisor harms your well-being, shames you in public, or asks you to complete unreasonable tasks, you should seek a new one.
No one should stay in an #abusiverelationship.
But, if you decide to stick it out after thinking a change through, how do you survive?
Bad supervisors are unlikely to change their behavior, so change your behavior.
First, see a professional.
A good therapist will help you find coping strategies.
They will be discreet. They will provide a safe place.
Most uni's have excellent therapists available to students.
Use them.
Second, identify patterns.
Identify when & why the supervisor is most abusive & break up patterns.
I know of one student whose supervisor who drank a lot.
I advise them to not email them after 5 PM, bc evening emails resulted in a lot of pain.
The student queued emails to go out at 8 AM.
Their life substantially improved.
Third, set boundaries.
You do not have to respond immediately to emails or requests for work.
You do not have to respond to verbal or written abuse at all.
Establish boundaries & stick to them.
Once your pattern is set, if it is reasonable, there is little a supervisor can do to force you to work.
Fourth, make downtime.
Take at least a day for yourself each week.
Most cultures respect Friday, Saturday or Sunday as a day off, for religious or practical reasons.
Pick one day & make yourself unavailable.
I know one clever student who had "family obligations" every Wednesday.
Fifth, create emotional & physical distance.
Some "great academics" are terrible humans.
I have a friend whose attorney spouse listened in to calls with their advisor. The spouse relayed at least five violations of HR law in one call.
Just knowing the behavior was not appropriate helped.
Build a network of friends who can help buffer you from your advisor's words & give you a physical safe space.
Sixth, ask them to change.
Usually, they won't change.
However, you will feel better for asking.
If they don't, see point five.
Seventh, exit.
Your best response to an abusive supervisor is to finish your degree.
If you can't graduate, and don't want to
So in the short term, protect yourself.
In the long term, finish, move forward & find new collaborators.
It will take time.
It can be done.
You can find your happiness.
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