When I was an early-career scholar, I recall meeting senior people at a conference & failing to connect.
I would meet one & usually comment: "I loved your paper".
I often received one of two responses.
One senior looked at me awkwardly, shifted from foot to foot, & left quickly.
I was embarrassed.
One senior looked at me directly and asked "which paper? What did you like about it?" He then interrogated me.
I was embarrassed.
Eventually, tired of #awkwardness & having found my own #conferencefriends, I learned to leave the #seniorfaculty alone.
I took years to get the awkward responses.
Only, as my hair has grown grey & my waistline expanded & strangers started to approach me, have I come to understand #seniorscholars.
The foot shifter was socially awkward. Being approached by a stranger heightened their social anxiety & put them out of their comfort zone.
How do I know? I share the social anxiety problem & while I've learned to fake it, being approached by strangers makes conferences stressful for me.
The questioner was a jerk. Being approached by a student allowed them to establish they were a boss & control the conversation.
How do I know? I asked around. I wasn't the questioner's first inquisition & learned to avoid him.
So what to do? If you are an #earlycareerfaculty? Meeting #latecareerfaculty for the first time? At a #conference?
First, be aware of #context.
If you are in an intimate setting, like dinner, it's ok to ask serious questions.
If you are in a crowded setting, like a social event, it's better to keep it at a high level.
Don't interrupt a conversation to introduce yourself.
Second, be aware of the response.
If the person shifts from foot to foot, give them a little breathing room. They will remember the courtesy. Follow up later!
If the person replies with a tough question, proceed with caution. They may eat you alive.
Third, be aware of your questions' implications.
Save detailed questions for a private dinner or social event.
For now, keep it high level & ask questions that help the senior person become comfortable with you.
Note, the keep it high-level theme!
Fourth, think before you ask.
Avoid uncomfortable questions or questions with uncomfortable answers - politics, personal life, dating, alcohol & social media.
Offer relevant questions, like "what are you studying lately?" Or have you been able to do anything around town?
Remember, you are breaking the ice & creating opportunities for future conversations.
Never ask for a job - that's awkward.
Finally, don't be afraid to say hi.
You don't know if a senior is a regular person, a foot shuffler, or a questioner unless you start the conversation.
Just remember, many faculty are #sociallyawkward, so give them time to adjust.
So if you fail once, try again.
Best of luck! & happy #conferencing!
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